I share a lot…
I’m an open book much to my dear husband’s chagrin…
He would say, “Dang hon, do you have to share sooooo much?”
Lol… Bless his departed introverted heart.
I’m not bipolar, though at times the grieving process feels like that…
I’m up and then I’m down…
I’m happy, then I’m sad…
Honestly, it’s kind of annoying.
People are living, and I’m kind of stuck in this mud standing sill…
I try to move forward, and then one glance at a picture of us takes me twenty steps back.
I know that it will take time.
But I’m a very impatient person.
I don’t like to wait.
Ask me how forty weeks of five pregnancies was for me…
Please don’t tell me you have something to tell me,
but that you’ll tell me later…
That is like kryptonite to my soul!
(Yes, put that shoe on your foot Deanna!)
But I digress…
It’s not about me..
It’s about what God is doing in me…
Its about the lives that our story has touched.
It’s about God’s purposes in all of this and he’s got plenty…
So, please, be patient with me,
or with anyone else that you know that is grieving…
If we’re having a good day, then rejoice with us…
If we’re having a tough one full of tears, cry with us…
Please don’t expect us to “just get over it.”
A lifetime of loving someone doesn’t just heal overnight.
It takes time.
And honestly, I don’t think we will ever stop missing our loved ones.
Time may heal my wounds, but the scar will be ever present.
I’ve had some widow friends who have expressed
their own concerns and how they feel alone.
Months have gone by and people move on with their lives
and we feel forgotten,
because honestly; we’re broken…
And… We still need our friends…
We still need someone
to kidnap us for coffee or dinner,
or a text to just check in on us.
When you’re wounded,
sometimes you can’t reach out for help…
My eyes have been opened
to a lot in terms of being a widow;
that ugly word that still sounds foreign to me…
My heart goes out to anyone
that has lost a loved one.
It’s hard, but God is faithful.
I guess overall, my point is this…
You don’t have to understand
what we’re (us grieving folk) are going through;
just love us through it.
If you’re having a hard day,
multiply that by 1,000
and then imagine the same day
without your husband or wife.
That’s where we live.
It’s not your responsibility to take care of us…
But it doesn’t take much to send a text or a card.
We need our friends.
And I write this after speaking
to three different widows
that I’m blessed to know and
are experiencing the same thing…
We may look like we’re bipolar,
and that may make you feel uncomfortable,
but just imagine if you were in our shoes.
We’re just hurting and trying to cope.
We don’t understand all of the feelings that we have,
we’re just trying to make it through the day.
A friend came over today and we just talked.
She dusted for me.
She helped me unpack a few boxes that needed putting up.
Not a big deal;
except that I was able to talk to an adult instead of my kids…
I love my kiddo’s, but I’m with them 24 hours a day.
They’re awesome, but they talk about legos,
and star wars, and video games and my pretty pony…
As much as I enjoy our conversations
about whether the Hulk could beat Superman;
adult interaction is nice from time to time.
And this is not to make anyone feel bad or guilty…
That’s not what I’m about or who I am…
It’s just what’s on my heart…
You have to pray and ask God how you can help those in need…
For those friends that get it right, thanks…
From all of us. (us widows)
Thanks for calling, and texting,
and for sending cards and letters
when all of the cards and letters
have stopped coming.
Thanks for coming over for dinner,
and for taking my kids to the park,
and to the nail shop.
Thanks for praying for us
and for listening to my whining,
and for wiping my tears
with your kind and wise words.
I appreciate you,
and I speak for my other widow friends as well,
I know they appreciate you too.