Tearing Down the Walls

I didn’t know how to love people.

It was hard for me.

It didn’t come naturally.

I had plenty of love in my heart, but the part that allowed myself to actually trust anyone enough to love them was damaged.

And so I began to build walls around my heart.

I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I’m an expert builder of walls, and my walls were high and fortified. They were the real deal.

No one would get through these bad boys; trust me…

I’d been hurt, and I would not allow anyone close enough to ever hurt me again.

I’d been abused, and no one would ever get close enough to touch me again…

I’d been told I wasn’t good enough and I’d prove everyone wrong.

I didn’t need anyone.

Except that I did; and God knew that.

So he used a friend; the man that would become my husband to teach me to love. And he opened the doors of my heart and tore down the walls with every kind word that he spoke and my fortified walls of steel came tumbling down.

And when he died, I promised myself that I’d never let anyone that close to me again. Because though he loved me and we had a good life together; he’d still left me with a broken heart through his death.

While people proclaimed how “strong” I was, on the inside I was dying from the pain of losing him…

I was broken and torn and shattered.

And so the building began again.

Brick by brick; I made the walls high and thick.

I tried very hard to not allow anyone to get too close.

I’m sad to say that the walls were meant to even keep my children at a safe distance, lest I love them too much.

I couldn’t bare the thought of losing them…

I didn’t have it in me to lose anyone else.

I was already too fragile.

I wasn’t strong at all.

He came into my life; a friend I’d known almost my entire life and casually began to whittle at the walls. So gently at first that I took little notice of the crumbling exterior. He prayed for me. He extended his friendship.  True friendship, that didn’t ask for anything in return. He encouraged me. He loved me in the purest way.

He broke down my walls and I didn’t even know he’d done so until it was too late. He stepped inside and looked around and helped me to trust that I didn’t need those walls and that God was enough to protect my heart. He wrapped his arms around me and accepted all of me, even the hard and crazy parts and didn’t run in the other direction, though I thought that he probably should.

He tore down every single wall I had built and showed me that I didn’t need them anymore. I’m not strong.

Not at all. But God is…

He tore down my self appointed walls by showing me that I had the ability to love without fear. He allowed me another opportunity to love and be loved by His own grace.

I don’t know why He loves me as he does, but I’m so very thankful for it… God is everything to me. He has blessed me immeasurably above and beyond anything that I imagined for myself. He’s opened this hardened and broken heart and restored it and filled it with a love that I never imagined that I would ever feel again…

I don’t know what you’re experiencing today.

But He does. Don’t underestimate Him.

Whatever it is that you’re going through, trust that God can tear down any walls that you’ve built in your life and build something more beautiful than you’ve ever dreamed.

Trust me, I know.…

I’ve got some experience in building walls and he’s demolished them all. I can’t wait to see what he builds in their place.

I have a feeling it’s going to be something amazingly beautiful.

Be blessed y’all.