Category Archives: envy

Blog Envy and other related madness…


I’ve been sitting here for quite some time now, trying to choose a different blog theme.  Yes; because much like the way that I feel the need to rearrange my furniture at least every six months, I was getting bored with the theme that I already had.  The theme that I might add, that I paid for… My blog was too dark, and the colors that it allowed me to change were too dark, and for only $30 more dollars, I could have the colors that I absolutely loved.  The new color scheme made me very very happy…


I’d already paid money for the theme that I had; so it was a matter of principle to not pay more money.

I suppose it makes sense to somebody somewhere in the world that I’m not using the theme that I already paid for…  

I just needed a change.

I looked at a friend’s blog and it was pretty and bright, and made me all happy on the inside when I read it… And then there was mine; you know; the one I paid for…  Even though my blog contained my two favorite colors in the entire world, somehow hers looked better to me.

And I’m pretty sure hers was free.

So I’ve been sitting here for hours looking for the perfect theme.  The perfect balance of color and light and whimsy…  I must have previewed over thirty of them.  You would think that with five kids, two dogs, and graduate school, that I could find something more productive to do.  I chose one that I absolutely fell in love with, but the placement of the widgets were off to me.  Bummer.  I really liked that one.  I chose another and it was perfect except for the font of the title that I couldn’t change. Ugh.  Then there was the one with all of the pretty colors, except for the one color that messed it all up for me.  Finally, I chose this theme, not because it was necessarily my favorite, but more than that, I was just tired and didn’t want to keep the old one.

The paid for one.

Then I started thinking…  I tend to do that from time to time.

Isn’t that how we tend to live our lives sometimes?  We’re not happy with what we have… We’re not satisfied with what God has blessed us with and we look at other people’s lives and stuff and err, blogs, and want what they have; when really, what we have is perfectly fine…

I’m certainly guilty.

I used to complain about my husband and his constant procrastination and his lack of rushing for anyone, especially me… I used to compare him to my friends husbands because they had better jobs, or they were craftsmen and he wasn’t or you name it.  And if you knew my husband you would know that he was pretty awesome despite my trivial complaints.  But at the time, I thought that what I had wasn’t as good as what my girlfriends had.

(shakes her head in silence)

I’m so glad that I corrected that thinking early in our marriage.

While my husband didn’t end up being the engineer that he had planned on becoming, because apparently God had other plans for him; he did end up being an amazing husband to me and a wonderful father to our children.

We can miss out on what is right in front of us if we’re too busy looking at what other people have. However, I think our time could be better spent appreciating the blessings that God has given us.  I’m very thankful that I didn’t waste a lot of time complaining about my husband and not appreciating the many gifts that the Lord gave me in him.

If I had done that, I would be living with a great deal of regret right now.

I thought we were going to grow old together.

While we did grow older, I certainly never imagined that I would be a widow at the tender age of 42.

For my 40th birthday, my husband surprised me with a cruise.

I was shocked.

Especially since he knew I was terrified to go on a cruise.


(Have you seen the Titanic?!?!)

He assured me we would have a blast.  Once I was convinced that we were not going to die after a day or so, it proved to be one of the most fun times we’d ever had together.  Today, that is one of the most precious memories that I have of us.

(In particular, the way we laughed at the parents who brought their kids on the cruise)

(Don’t judge me.)

(Smiling from ear to ear at the memory)

I could enjoy him and our marriage, because I stopped comparing our marriage to other marriages.  I stopped comparing him to other men. He was right where God wanted him.  I’m just glad that God let me love him for 20 years, and that I didn’t mess up the blessing of our marriage by not appreciating him early in our marriage.

I hope you can look at whatever situation you’re in and find something good about it.  I hope you won’t look at others and compare what you have, or where you live, or who you are…  It’s a recipe for disaster.  That’s not how God wants us to live.

Now, I’m still probably going to change my blog again in about six weeks or so; the same way I used to rearrange our furniture constantly and frustrate my husband.  Poor guy never knew what he was going to come home to…  But it won’t be because I have blog envy, looking at my friends blogs…  I just like to keep things interesting; and I kinda get bored looking at the same thing all of the time.  And… I’ll probably still like the blogs of my friends more than mine, it’s just human nature.  But I’ll be satisfied with what I have anyway, and thankful that wordpress has so many free themes to choose from. I hope you can do  the same. Be blessed friends!


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