Category Archives: Uncategorized

It was the way he loved her…

It wasn't that he was perfect.
Or that he did everything right. Because he wasn't and he didn't.
He was just a man.

But he was her man.

It was the way that he cared for her that made her heart flutter.
The "just because" phone calls and texts while he was at work and she was at home buried up to her knees in diapers and quarreling children.

It was the way he still looked at her even though time had blessed her with a few more wrinkles around her brown eyes, and the baby weight had refused to leave her as the years and pregnancies progressed.

It was the way he called her "girl," even though she was far from a girl now… He made her blush like a school girl, still; after all the years they'd been together.

It wasn't just one thing about him…
It was everything about him.

The way he smiled at her and kissed her each morning before he left for work and in the evenings when he came home from work.

It was his heart, and the way he helped little gray haired women with their groceries at the grocery store.
It was the way he read the Bible to their children each night and prayed over them before they went to sleep.

It was the essence of who he was that she loved so much.

Oh, he'd never become the successful engineer that he'd hoped to become; God had had other plans for him. He'd admitted that he felt like a failure at times. If he'd only known how wrong he'd been…

He was gone now.
He'd died.
Unfairly, it seemed, in her eyes…
Cancer.
Still such an ugly word to her.
It had stolen so much from her…
It had stolen the love of her life.

It had spit in her face and called her a widow. It had renamed her as a single mom. It had left her children fatherless…

She still hated the word.
She hated the illness that had torn her heart from her chest and handed it to her to bury.

But; it couldn't touch her memories.

So many wonderful, amazing memories… No, he'd never been the perfect man; but it had been the perfect love …

And for her, for now; it was enough.

Be blessed friends,
Gretchen

What does love look like? 

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It’s February, and sometime right after Christmas little hearts and red heart shaped boxes full of chocolates and goodies started popping up everywhere. It’s close to Valentine’s Day and restaurants everywhere will be chock full of lovers set out to celebrate their love soon.

I suppose that’s what made me start thinking about it.

What is love really? Is it demonstrated by cards and letters and gifts proudly passed through the hands of those who declare their love? Or is it something more?

I think we’d all agree it’s definitely more.

When my husband lay on his death bed weakened and unable to communicate with me, I sat by his bedside and prayed…  I wiped the sweat from his brow and read him scriptures that I knew brought him comfort.

His body, once strong and healthy, was left weakened and frail. He was never a small man by any means of the word, but he had lost so much weight that he didn’t resemble the strong muscular army private I had married.

I was losing him. Each day, I lost a little more and my heart broke just a little more with each passing moment…

In those private moments that no one else saw, I discovered after almost 16 years of marriage what love was.

I was washing his body in the bathtub as he sat on a shower chair when he could no longer stand, him apologizing to me, and me telling him I’d punch him in the face if he apologized again. Because, “This is what we do hon, we take care of each other. You’d do it for me. Now stop apologizing.”

You see, he felt bad that I had to help him. He was a proud man. He didn’t like asking for help. The thing is, I wanted to be the one who was there for him.

I loved him, and while he was no longer healthy and had little to offer me (his words not mine) and things were really really hard; I promised him when we were married that I would be there for him always. I was going to keep my word to my beloved.

In the weeks to follow Robert lost the ability to talk. I didn’t think I could mourn losing him before he died, but there it was. My heart was slowly crumbling and I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through the heartache of losing my very best friend in the whole world.

One day in particular when he was bedridden, there was a mix up with the  nurse who was supposed to come and bathe him. I was aggravated at the nurse, and I was worn out from little to no sleep. I had taken to sleeping on an air mattress at the end of his hospital bed so that I could be close to him if he needed me.

I asked him if it was okay if I bathed him, knowing how he must feel at not being able to do anything for himself. He nodded with what little strength he had.  I gathered my supplies, a bowl of warm water, soap, a wash cloth and towel, and I began to gently wipe his broken body.

In that moment, as tears streamed down my face, I felt the Lord very clearly say to my heart, “This Gretchen. This is what love is. You have loved him well.” I don’t know why God chose that moment to explain to me what love was, but I’ve never forgotten it.

Love is not always something that is shiny or glittery or easy. Sometimes it’s hard and ugly…. I could have walked away from my husband. People do it all the time when there are situations that are too hard to face. I chose to walk closer to him.

Watching my husband die was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do… (And I’ve experienced some hard things in my life) However, I know that despite the difficulty of seeing my husband in immense pain, he knew that I loved him. He knew that I was hurting as well, but I never allowed that to interefere with my care for him.

I’ll be honest. There were times when I wanted to run away, hide from cancer and the world and everything. But the thing is, I wanted to take him with me.  Leaving without him was never an option.

Love is ultimately a choice.

We choose who we love, how we love and if we love each other well. Selfishness is the opposite of love. Loving a person means that you put them before yourself or your own feelings and hopefully they do the same for you.

In my marriage that was the case. We were never this perfect couple who did everything right, but we worked through our issues and chose to allow our difficulties to strengthen our marriage.

It’s been almost three years since my husband passed away. There’s not a day that I don’t think about him… The blessing of that is that I’m not filled with regret.

I served him well, we loved each other well, and I am honored to have cared for him until he took his last breath. While it was difficult, I chose to focus on him and not myself. My needs could wait, because he needed me. I have no regrets aside from wanting more time with him.

Because we chose to love to God first, we were able to love each other.  I am thankful and honored that God allowed me to love him and be loved by him. Choosing to love my husband was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life.

Love is a choice.  Choose well.

If you’re in need of a planner, you might want to click this link.


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Need to organize your life? Need a personal assistant?

I know I do.

But unfortunately, the closest I have to a personal assistant is my six year old daughter who is somewhere between 6 and 25 and routinely refers to herself as a diva. With all of that said, as a single mom, (widow) and mother of five children and two dogs, I need help staying organized.

Erin Condren planners really help on this end.

The planners are well organized, bright and colorful and basically make me happy. She offers much more than simple planners and calls them Life Planners… Not only that, but there are IMG_6775notebooks, and stickers and things for your home…

Oh my, it just all makes me happy. It almost makes me forget about my crazy life.

So even though life can be tough, (because let’s face it; we’re busy mammas…) the LifePlanner that I have helps me to organize the cray cray and makes me feel happy when I gaze at the beauty of the planner itself.

They are not cheap, lest you pass out and wake up on the floor angry with me when you see the prices, but they are worth every penny… (And while I’m not cheap, I was a bit hesitant to spend that much) I will admit that it hurt to pay the steep price at first, but when my planner came in the beautiful box, well, I’m almost sure I heard angels singing. (okay, maybe it was me, but still)

In case you fail to believe all of my assertions, click the link below and check the site out. If you don’t see anything you like, I’ll come clean your house for free… And by that, I mean I’ll come over and sit on your couch and show you my planner while we talk over coffee. 🙂

https://www.erincondren.com/referral/invite/gretchendeveaux0627

You’re never alone, even when it feels like you are…

If you’ve never heard the song “Never Alone” by Barlow Girl, take a minute to listen to it in the link above.  That’s what this blog is about today…

Being alone.

Except that we’re not.

The song so aptly describes how I have felt at certain times in my life.

Alone; not heard…

Abandoned by people, and more importantly by God.

As a widow, it would be easy for me to fall into the trap of being bitter from feeling let down and alone by family and friends.  But we’re so not alone.  He’s with us.  He’s right here.

In our joy, in our sorrow, in our pain and disappointments…

He’s here. 

God. 

Creator of the Universe…

We are truly never alone, even if we feel like we have no one to turn to…

I have a part-time job now at a women’s retail store, (you know I love clothes, and I like the discount that I get even more) and I came across a woman the other day while I was working.

I greeted her as I do all customers, but she just looked so sad.  She then told me she was depressed…  I was busy and wondered if I should inquire… After all, I was at work, and I had things to get done.  But there was something about her that compelled me to talk to her.

I asked her if she was okay, and she said,

“No, I’m a widow.”

Imagine that…

She looked at me as if challenging me to make some flippant remark or give her my condolences.  I looked at her and simply said quietly, “I’m so sorry, I am too.”  Her eyes locked with mine, and there was a moment of understanding, of sisterhood, of pain, and loss and the gut wrenching sadness that comes from losing a husband too soon.

She came a little closer to me and shared the story of how she’d lost her husband of thirty-two years.  It was an embolism, and he died in her arms.  I immediately began to pray, asking the Lord to tell me what to say to her.  I needed to help her, I felt compelled to help her, but I had no idea how.

She then told me that she’d attempted to take her life four times.  She said that her life was pointless and my heart ached for her. She said that she couldn’t get out of bed, and said she was useless and no one was really there for her like they said they would be, and that she was alone.

There’s that word again; alone.

In a world absent of Christ, it can really seem as if you’re alone.  Even as Christians, we may go through times when we fail to feel the presence of God.  We feel like we don’t hear him, we feel like our relationship with him is dry or distant….

We feel alone.

“I waited for you today,

but you didn’t show 

No. no. No. 

I needed you today,

so where did you go? 

Told me to call,

said you’d be there,

and though I haven’t seen you,

are you still there?” 

(Lyrics from Never Alone: by Barlowgirl)

Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever wondered if God was there?

I have. 

I felt it when I was in the emergency room and the nurse told me that I was likely having a miscarriage and to go home and wait to lose my baby.  I felt it when the mysterious stomach pains that my husband was having turned out to be cancer.  I felt it when my oldest son; my introduction to motherhood,  rejected me, moved in with his father and refused to talk to me for almost a year.

I have felt alone.

But here’s the deal folks…

Feelings don’t dictate absolute reality.

God tells us that we are never alone.

Ever.  

“It is the Lord who goes before you.

He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you.

Do not fear or be dismayed.”

 (Deuteronomy 31:8)

There’s a lot going on in that passage.  “He goes before you…”  What does that mean exactly?

I would imagine ( though I’m no theologian) that if God goes before you, he’s in front of you.  He’s in front of the situation, or problem.  He goes before you, and prepares the way.  He knows what’s going to happen already, but he goes before you to prepare it for you.  He will be with you… He won’t leave you, and he won’t forsake you.  According to my trusty Siri, the definition of forsake means to “leave someone who needs or counts on you, to leave someone in the lurch.”

We’re not alone folks.  Because he’s here.

He’s preparing the way, he’s walking ahead of us just as a Father would to make sure that the passage is safe for his child.  He won’t leave us… Because he wants us to count on him and he will never betray our trust.

Never….

“And though I cannot see You

And I can’t explain, why….

Such a deep, deep reassurance

You’ve placed in my life…

We cannot separate,

cause You’re part of me, 

And though You’re invisible, 

I trust the unseen.  

I cried out to with no reply

 And I can’t feel You by my side

So, I’ll hold on to what I know, 

You’re here, and I’m never alone…”

(Lyrics from Never Alone: by Barlowgirl)

The lyrics to the Barlow Girls song is so succinct and true.  We may not feel Him, we cannot see Him, but we are never, never alone.  We have to hold onto what we know and not what we feel, because our feelings can deceive us into believing something that just isn’t true.

So what did I say to that poor brokenhearted widow?  

I stepped away from what I was doing and I asked her name, I looked into her eyes and I said this…

“Your husband, wouldn’t want you to be sad.  He wouldn’t want you to try to take your life.  He’s gone, and it stinks, and I’m so sorry for that, but you’re still here.  You have a purpose.  You have to persevere and discover what that purpose is and live in a way that your husband would be proud.”

She was now in tears and I put my arms around this virtual stranger, that I saw just a little bit of myself in.  I told her it would be okay.  Because someday it would be.  I encouraged her to seek some counseling, and I told her what days I worked and to come back and see me, and that I’d be praying for her.

I hope she comes back.

I’d like to take her to lunch or out to coffee and share with her more.  I’d love to tell her about Jesus and offer her the opportunity to grieve with hope.

She felt alone.

We all have at some point.

But we as Christians are never alone, even in the darkest times of our lives.

I thought I was alone when my son rejected me, but God used that situation to allow me to truly trust him for the outcome of that relationship.  It hurt and it was hard, but he’s turning eighteen next week and he asked that we spend it alone, just us…  He wanted to have some quality time with me; and this mamma’s heart is full… I never thought we’d get there.  God was there…

I thought I was alone when I was told I was having a miscarriage, and I wasn’t happy about being pregnant if I’m honest.  But through that scare, the Lord allowed me to see how much I really wanted that baby, and she is one of the greatest joys of my life today.  I don’t even know what life looked like before her.  I love my Sara Bear.  She makes me laugh when I want to cry at times.  God was there… He knew I’d need her.

I thought I was alone when we received a cancer diagnosis and then ultimately losing my husband after fighting it for two years….  But God used the illness to give me the courage to share my writing with people; something I would never have done prior to that.  He has given me a voice through my experience and pain to minister to and to encourage others… God was there…

 At different points in my life, even though I knew better, I thought I was alone…

But I never was.

Not once…

He was always there.

I can see that now.

He’s still here…

Whispering to me…

Teaching me…

Loving me…

He loves you too.

No matter what you’ve done, no matter what you’ve been through.

He’s there.

We need only to quiet ourselves to hear him and to trust him; even during those hard times.

We have to believe what the Bible says about Him, and not what we see or feel; 

because our feelings can’t be trusted, but God is worthy of our trust.  

You’re never alone.  

Be blessed friends

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My oldest…

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Bear

Bear

Why you shouldn’t drop kick your spouse and other reasons to hug them instead…

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**Note**                                                                                                                                         Time hop is an app that you can use that pulls your personal photos from other sources of media and allows you to see it anywhere from a year to up to five years ago.  While it may sound a little creepy, it is actually pretty cool.  Unless you’ve lost a husband, then it can get a little scary if you’re jarred by seeing pictures of him from five years ago.  Today, I saw a post on Facebook from three years ago.  Something I’d written to him on fb and shared with friends.  Today, it blessed me.  It was a reminder of our love.  (Maybe I’ll blog the actual post later.) 

Pretty cool, when you look at the time hop app and it pulled a post from three years ago when you were writing about loving your husband. (On valentines day)
I remember writing it…
We were in the hospital I believe…
Soon after his first surgery.

Even though he’s gone, it was kinda awesome and took me back to that moment of writing it.                It made me feel closer to him for a minute and reminded me why I loved him so much.                          It encouraged me, because he truly was my biggest cheerleader and believed in me in a way I’d never experienced before.

I feel very blessed and thankful to God.                                                                                          It felt like a Valentine’s Day gift from Him to be honest.                                                                            Hug your hubby or wife closer and longer tonight.

We were just ordinary people and in one instance everything changed.

He was sick, and it was cancer…

Two years later, he was gone.

BUT….

God was there and we had an awesome run.
We had a great marriage and close friendship and bond.
He was my husband, lover and friend.
I wouldn’t have traded what we had for all the tea in china…
(A saying he used to say)

So, remember when you’re mad, or frustrated,
or you want to drop kick your loved one, that in the end…
You’re only promised today.
So be mad for a minute and forgive him,
be frustrated for a little bit and then get over it,
drop kick him and then go hug him.

I’m thankful that we didn’t waste a lot of time with foolishness.
Thankfully we were on the same page most of the time.
It wasn’t perfect, but we always said that we were perfect for each other.

Today.
Love today.
Not tomorrow.
Not next week.
Today.
Right now.
This moment.
This second.
I keep saying it, but in the end, all you’re left with is memories.
Make then amazing memories to hold onto and cherish.  Your kids will thank you.  😉

Be blessed y’all.

Chasing the yellow bus

There were tears…

Lots of tears.

And tantrums…

There were five year old girl tears and eleven year old girl tears, and there was the eight year old’s tantrums that made me feel like I was the most inept and out of control mother in the entire universe of homeschooling moms. After all, I was supposed to be good at this. I’m a mom of five. It’s not like I’d never done this before. But here I was, looking like a crazy woman, yelling at the top of my lungs, swearing that I would march my tantrum boy straight into our local elementary school and register him for the third grade today; as in right now; go put your shoes and we’re leaving. My other children looked back and forth between tantrum boy and myself as if watching a tennis match between two clearly unstable opponents. I did what any logical mom would do. I ignored them. I reasoned with myself that homeschooling was clearly overrated, and I was clearly not equipped to do this job anymore: and besides, how bad could public school really be anyway?!?

Did I mention that this only on day one of school?

It reminded me of the phrase in the Bible, “There would be crying and gnashing of teeth.” That always threw me. Gnashing of teeth. That didn’t sound pleasant at all. It actually sounded painful. But last week, I kind of felt like I understood it. I was on our first day of school and I had to fight the urge to run away and hide in my closet. How would I ever make it through the entire year? Between the eight year olds temper tantrums, to the girls crying and the fifteen year old who was trying to endlessly convince me that Captain America; The Winter Soldier was a good family movie and we owed it to ourselves as a family to rent it, I was frankly worn out. Did I mention that it was only day one? I felt so overwhelmed. It was so hard. Was this even worth it? Would public school be such a bad thing? I have to admit, I thought about it. The problem was that God called us to homeschooling. So to do anything other than that would be in direct opposition to what the Lord placed on mine and my husband’s heart so many years ago. I was stuck, and I didn’t know what to do.

And so, I prayed.

Something that I should have done the minute the tears started. I prayed for my son, whose tantrums were bad before his dad passed away and hadn’t gotten any better… I prayed for my fifteen year old who kept giving me alternatives to the directives I was giving him, I prayed for my little one, who was such a perfectionist at five years old, that she cried if her work wasn’t perfect, and I prayed for her sister who cried because of all things, much to this English major’s heartache; she hated to write.

How could I possibly think I could go on without hearing from God? How could I possibly think that I would be successful without going to him first? What was I thinking? I should have prayed the night before, I should have prayed that morning. I should have prayed with them before we started. Would my daughters still have cried? Probably, maybe, I don’t know. But I do know that I would be able to deal with the crying better. I think I would be able to deal with the temper tantrums better. I do think I wouldn’t feel so inclined to chase a yellow bus and begging the bus driver to please take my kids to the nearest school.

I realized that I was trying to do everything in my own strength, and getting frustrated that I wasn’t having the victories that I wanted. I was fussing at my son for throwing tantrums and here I was throwing my own tantrum. (so much so, that my sweet five year old could be heard saying, “Gee Mom, you’re kindsa mean…”) Had it not been the truth, I might have been upset by her observation. I wanted our homeschooling experience to be better than this. I envisioned eager students who praised me for my brilliant teaching skills, I dreamed of thought provoking discussions on our current studies. But what we were experiencing was far from that picture. It wasn’t even close, and I realized my biggest mistake in our seemingly failed first day of school. I had all of the shiny new books, pencils were sharpened, cubbies were filled to the brim with everything needed and we were set to begin. Except for one thing.

I was missing the most important component to our school.

God…

How could I possibly expect that God would be there in my home and homeschool if I failed to invite him in? I allowed the busyness of life to override the need for an intimate partnership with the Lord. I hadn’t made the time to pray or spend the time with the Lord that I needed to make it through the day successfully. Unless we make time for Him, we won’t have the ability to function in a Godly way when things go awry. The word tells us to “Be anxious for nothing but in all things, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hears and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

That passage speaks to me.

God wants intimacy with us. He knows whats going on in our lives. But he wants us to bring our issues to him. He wants to hear about our praises. He desires a relationship with us.  Have you ever met someone and thought, wow, I’d love her to be my friend! You just want to hang out and get to know that person? Well, God created us, and he is the creator of the entire universe. Yet, he wants and desires to have fellowship with us. He loves us. He desires our time and our hearts. We have to make him a priority. Not just because we need help with things that are going on in life, but because we love him. We love him and we need him and I’ve never realized that more since my husband passed away. I found myself saying things like, I miss him so much, I need him, I feel so alone. And in the midst of my pain, I heard that small quiet voice whisper, “Yes, I understand… But he’s ok. He’s with me, and you’re not alone. I’m here. You may miss Robert, but I have never left you. You may want to be with him, and you will one day, in the meantime, spend time with me. You may feel alone, but don’t trust your feelings, because they can be deceptive. You’re never alone. I’m always with you.”

Here’s the deal folks.

God loves us, he cares for us, but he won’t force his way into your life. We need to invite him to be with us, we have to give him our cares and our heartaches and let him handle them. There may be crying and gnashing of teeth, but with God, there will be a sweetness of clarity and grace after the crying has ceased. I hope you’ll remember to not try to live your life apart from him. He’s waiting, waiting for us to ask him for help, and he’s more than ready to move in and give us the patience and grace that we need to make it through each day. And I’ll be real with you, I’ll probably want to chase a bus or two between now and May, but I’m pretty sure that with the Lord’s help, he will ease that urge and remind me to chase after him and to chase after the hearts of my children.

Be Blessed Friends…

Worn…

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I’ll be honest with you…

I’m tired.

Like exhausted tired.

Worn.

Grieving is hard.  

It’s quite exhausting.

It doesn’t care that you have five children to care for, including two teens, two tweens and a five-year old going on 25.  No; grief punches you in the stomach on days when your teen has a bad attitude, and the five-year old is crying because you won’t buy her high heels to wear to church and the tween is upset that he can’t play video games all day…

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It just doesn’t care if you’ve had a hard day.

It doesn’t bother to ask you if you’re okay, or if your feelings are hurt from some random friend leaving you out of something that everyone else was invited to… Or bother to care that a friend stood you up.  Grief is grief.  It just doesn’t care.  It still hurts you, and it still makes you feel like you’re stagnant; knee-deep in mud, unable to move.

It’s the gift that keeps giving…

It’s the sleepless nights, and the long days, when you push through because you just have to…

It’s the putting a smile on your face and pretending to be okay when you kinda feel like you’re falling apart.  It’s the wondering if you’ll ever feel like a normal person again.  It’s the dream of a dream that feels more like a nightmare.  That’s where I am right now.  That is my address…  It’s where I live.

It’s the place that no one can really understand unless they’ve lost someone who they loved.  Some might try to understand, while others just wish you’d get over it.  That always makes me laugh.

Yes, get over losing the love of your life, the Father of your children.  The other half of you…            Your person…  Your everything.   The person that you shared your hopes and dreams with and knew that he was a very safe place to do so…  Yeah, that would be really easy to get over.

Not…

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I don’t have any answers, I don’t have any analogies to offer.  I can only trust that God knows what he’s doing here.  I can only trust that it won’t always hurt so much.  I can only hope that my heart won’t ache when I see his pictures, or that it doesn’t take my breath away when I accidentally come across a picture of him or us.

I’m tired.  I’m tired of grieving.  I’m tired of hurting.  I’m tired of crying.

But I don’t know how to do anything else right now.  I don’t know how to tell my heart to stop wishing he was here… I don’t know how to tell my body to stop missing his arms around me each night when I lay down in our bed…  I close my eyes and I see him.. I see his smile.. I hear his voice saying, “I love you woman,” and I ache for him.

I know where he is, and that brings me great comfort.  It’s because of that, that I can make it through the day, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that sometimes I’m just going through the motions.  I’ve never needed a man.  I was a very independent single woman.  I don’t need a man now, nor am I looking for a replacement.  I just want my husband.  Robert.

I loved him then, and I love him now.

Time nor distance, nor his heavenly address will ever change that.

I have to hold onto the reality of the scriptures and God’s promises to me that “I can do all things through Christ, ” yes, even this.  That he said he would never leave me or forsake me… That he would take care of all of my needs according to his riches and glory in Christ.

So, while I’m tired and worn, and grief doesn’t care about how I’m feeling;  I’ll hold onto Jesus and get through this, and hope that he will use our pain for His glory.  But if you’re reading this, I’d ask you to please remember my children and I in your prayers.  Remember the teens, who wish they had their Dad to look to, to talk about the guy stuff they don’t want to talk to their mom about, remember my 8-year-old who, at times, seems lost without the guidance and love of his Dad, and my girls, who miss hearing their Daddy call them his princesses.

IMG_0172

I have to give all of that over to God, but I won’t pretend that it doesn’t bother me.  I have to trust that God knows what he is doing… I don’t mean to be a downer, but this is what is on my heart, and I’m nothing, if not transparent…

For the most part, we’re doing ok…  My children are well-adjusted.  They say that they’re okay, because they know that he’s with Jesus and that they will one day see him again.  Little girl just wants to be sure that Jesus is giving Daddy enough food.  (Oh the heart of a five-year old…)

There are times when I wish that I hadn’t loved Robert so much…  I’ve had the thought that if I could go back in time and some magical being showed me our future; his future, that maybe I wouldn’t choose a life with him. Of course that would alter my entire future and my children would no longer be…  What would my life look like had I not married my husband?  Perhaps I wouldn’t be in pain right now, but I would have missed out on so much.  All of the years spent together, our talks, our dreams that we shared…  All of the amazing memories that we made together and the life that we shared with each other and our children.

I wouldn’t trade any of it to be pain-free right now.

Not one moment.  

IMG_0950So, I guess I’ll do my best to live this life and wait for our reunion when God sees fit to arrange it.

And I won’t complain.

Because as I look back on my life; our life; it’s been pretty dang good.

IMG_2125So there; in your face grief. 

Be blessed friends.

 

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